As the
final semester commences, so too does the pressure to succeed within the design
world. I am lacking focus. My thoughts lie not within the tasks at
hand, but rather the future obstacles that the completion of my degree creates.
All that my life has been for the past four years is coming to an end. While I look
forward to finishing my degree, I am scared to face the real world. What if I cannot
find my position within the design world? What if no design firm wants me? What
if I am awful? I am tormented with these hypothetical contexts and over
analysis. While I understand the ‘designer’ must present themselves as
confident beings (producing a positive impression), the thought of stagnant effort
supersedes my ability to stay confident. I may be overreacting, but I understand
that the design world is a scary place; a place that not everyone belongs; a
place that I am yet to encounter. Is it wrong of me to be concerned about my
future direction and where I will come?
I know within myself I am not ready to progress into my
fifth year of architecture; I lack the knowledge and experience that can only
be acquired through working within a design firm. I need to apply myself during
my eighth semester, but I am yet to find the motivation and inspiration to
distance myself from my inner monologue of supposed circumstances. At this stage,
to look at possible positive outcomes appears unwarranted when there seems to
be such a negative presence surrounding the possibilities of finding design work.
Though, I must look on the brighter side that is Architectural Design, and the possibilities
it creates.
I started my degree without knowledge of what would come or
what would be required. What followed was unexpected, hard and sometimes discouraging.
It has not been easy as I am sure all of my peers can agree; but it has certainly
been worth it. This course has moulded me into the person I am today; I have
learned to appreciate design to a much greater extent, to every minor detail. While
I have not always been successful throughout design, I have learned to laugh at
my failures, learn through experimentation and to design through rapid
prototyping. Above all else, I have learned a lifestyle.
The poetic combination of stress and deprivation of basic
life needs, trading a social life for long nights in front of a computer screen,
seems to be overcome by the sense of accomplishment and success. I have learned
to love this lifestyle I have chosen for myself. I thrive on the stress it
creates and long for the moment when all of the hard work, long sleepless
nights, and lack of social interaction comes together to form the completion of
a design project. That moment of pure bliss makes it all worth it. While I might
argue that this lifestyle is hard, and I have those mental breakdown sessions where
it feels like the world is ending, I cannot see my life without architecture.
It seems like a sick and twisted existence, but I cannot see myself living any
other lifestyle. That is what architecture is, a lifestyle.
This is what I am scared to leave behind. This is what I
have grown to love but fear it may soon end. I need to focus on my studies but
similarly need to search for my position within the design world. This Blog
will show my progress throughout my final semester of Architectural Design (fourth
year Bachelors Degree). I will attempt to keep it up-to-date with my weekly
activities/reflections, and will surely upload my progress and final
submissions surrounding both Assignment 1 and Assignment 2. Please, feel free
to leave feedback and ask questions.
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